I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
