Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
