He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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