Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
