Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
