I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
