I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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