Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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