There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bring me that man meat
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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