I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
