I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it because I queefed?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
