If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
