dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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