God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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