he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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