Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.