Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.