WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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