I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
