if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
