just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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