Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
