Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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