Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
