My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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