I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
