i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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