Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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