hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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