Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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