Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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