On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
