Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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