And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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