you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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