Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
