Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
