I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
