How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
