So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
