I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
