After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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