How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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