we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
