Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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