my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
