I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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