what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
