Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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