I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
