I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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