I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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