so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I met the friendliest cop last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
