A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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