My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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